tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7333162355327458803.post912126802379240992..comments2024-02-14T08:24:47.509-06:00Comments on On the Fence: When Your Loved Ones Don't Get ItE.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17106082488141824066noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7333162355327458803.post-17819727371291773782010-11-22T20:59:18.436-06:002010-11-22T20:59:18.436-06:00@Caitlin -- what great advice! I think I've de...@Caitlin -- what great advice! I think I've definitely been leaning too heavily on those near and dear. I never thought about their investments in my professional identity, but that totally makes sense. And realizing this makes me even happier that I've found such great blogs, communities, and advice online! (Cheesy, I know. But true!)alternative phdhttp://alternativephd.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7333162355327458803.post-59055711086279315242010-11-22T15:54:52.577-06:002010-11-22T15:54:52.577-06:00Great advice, Caitlin. I have ridiculously support...Great advice, Caitlin. I have ridiculously supportive parents, who have told me over and over again that all that want is for me to be happy -- so it was a major shock to find out how many fellow PhD's had, um, <br />'concerned' (read: hyperdriven) parents who seemed more invested in titles than their own children. Not everyone is like that, of course, but it's amazing how much people buy into the prestige of academia as advertised, rather than listening to the less glamorous realities.<br /><br />I will also say that it seems being partner-free (for the moment) has made it much easier to know what *I* want -- though there some serious drawbacks too. <br /><br />But after hearing me talk about how much I hated my life for so many years, the people who really loved me were totally supportive when I announced my decision - maybe because I announced it as a matter that was NOT up for discussion and laid on the 'support my personal happiness' bit pretty thick.<br /><br />Otherwise, I say go with Caroline's idea and talk sports or parade! Good luck!WorstProfEverhttp://www.worstprofessorever.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7333162355327458803.post-79444861662508918792010-11-22T12:06:39.933-06:002010-11-22T12:06:39.933-06:00What spoke to me most in your post was not just th...What spoke to me most in your post was not just the academic job market's impact on a young academic's loved ones, but the loved ones' impact on what an indecisive young academic THINKS she wants. <br /><br />One of the greatest insights of Herminia Ibarra's book on career change, _Working Identity_, was her observation that your nearest and dearest are often the LEAST useful people for discussing a major career change. Even if they don't know it, they have a lot invested in your existing professional identity. They will resist your efforts to change, probably through the best intentions in the world. My husband, bless his heart, isn't even an academic and he spent five years discouraging me from leaving the professor-track. He reminded me of the sunk costs argument; of how much I loved archival research (and still do; just don't want to make stupid trendy arguments about that achival material). Who wants to feel responsible for quashing someone else's dream? <br /><br />My solution? Don't rely on friends & family in this process. Find some new friends. Try out introducing yourself as someone else--the professional identity you'd like to have. Informational interviews filled this role for me. It was amazing to find out how it feels presenting this new, aspirational self to someone who doesn't have a kneejerk negative reaction to it.<br /><br />And as for family members outside the nuclear unit, I'm dispensing information on a need-to-know basis. I'm in negotiations for a little-more-than-entry-level permanent job (sigh) but I'm not telling my mother that. I'll let her continue telling her friends I'm still "consulting with historical museums" and "teaching some classes" Bragging rights matter too much in certain comfortable suburban communities!Caitlinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7333162355327458803.post-67252270256509316712010-11-22T08:55:24.337-06:002010-11-22T08:55:24.337-06:00What a great post! It's so true that academia ...What a great post! It's so true that academia has an impact on loved ones. Of course, academia also encourages martyrdom in that you are often expected to give up everything for advisors, students and the life of the mind. The mere fact that you are thinking about loved ones is rebellious in its own right. Good luck with Thanksgiving ... and if career topics come up, maybe it's best to change the subject to football!Carolinehttp://www.postacademic.orgnoreply@blogger.com